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Vortex of Crap
~this page is about the label Vortex of Crap. For more information on the fictional character said to run the label and artist, see Michael Dicksense. For information on the real life woman who co-runs and produces as Vortex of Crap, die! Vortex of Crap ripped off Brian Vagina's wikia page for this page, because they cannae do it thsemveslv because they're suck!!! Vortex of Crap is the project, alias and pseudonym of Michael Dicksense, and was a semi-collaberative effort until the release of He Who Dares Gets Sent to Bed With No Dinner, whereupon Dicksense decided he was better than everyone else objectively and went it alone, telling everyone else to "get their own alias, this is a label now I guess." VoC is one of the most widely recognised, celebrated and accursed shitcore producers of literally all time, and started the nu-shitcore movement in early 2014, as well as inventing several new genres and basically pioneering music as a whole. Conception and "The Numerous Calamities" In the windy months of 2013, an album was produced and released on bandcamp named "The Numerous Calamities of the Brain Dead Shoes." This album was one of the stupidest things ever, and was the first sign of the new movement of modern shitcore that was to follow. The album also featured a bunch of random people, most of which never had anything to do with this stuff ever again, because they actually had common sense. One of the creators of this album would then go on to plan a second album, this time under the name Callum Mingeman. They didn't, because there was already someone called Callum Mingeman, and they threatened to sue. This Callum Mingeman later went on to produce music on Vortex of Crap. The music made under this false name was sidelined for a while, until someone called "Nexgen" mentioned the words 'Vortex of Shit' in response to something. This was then stolen and changed to 'Vortex of Crap' and used as the alias of which this new, shitty music would go under. Creation of the Bandcamp and "Oniichan, your penis is so dirty and mucky" Vortex of Crap then made the bandcamp, and the two musicians who made the numerous calamities set to work on the piece of shit which would be the debut album. At the time, this album was meant to be a one off, as was the alias. The album cover was provided by someone who was known only as "a nonon jakuzure marshmallow" and was probably a fucking idiot or something. The album released in December 2013 and was titled Oniichan, Your Penis is so Dirty and Mucky! And it was fucking awful, however it was praised for tracks such as "My fetish is intaking a whole pony into my butt and turning them into shit and then pooping them out and eating the poop while being whipped by a spaghetti monster" and "Fonzie Kills Himself." The album was much different to subsequent releases by Vortex of Crap, taking a much harsher, noisier approach, even remixing tracks such as Kali 47 by Savant. There were also frequent pony references, causing the album to be hated by normies. The Platinum Arse Series Vortex of Crap was so bored they decided to make more than one thing. Inspired by Dicksense's tale of the Platinum Arse (See the Dicksense page and the Platinum Arse page if there is one I forgot haha,) Vortex of Crap decided to work on a trilogy of albums of the name name. All three of them were pretty shit, however Platinum Arse Part 2 was particularly praised as the start of Vortex of Crap as we know them, introducing the timeless VoC album intro. Platinum Arse Part 3 was also important, as it signalled the introduction of legendary gentlemen Genius Incredible, who was the other half of Vortex of Crap. After the release of this album Genius went on to produce music under his own name on the Vortex of Crap bandcamp. For information on the story behind these albums, I'm pretty sure it exists somewhere on this piece of shit. For Whom The Bell-end Tolls to He Who Dares Gets Sent to Bed With no Dinner Vortex of Crap continued to produce music of an obscenely low quality. While artists such as callum mingeman, the third vagina and Oui were added to the bandcamp and what was merely a lowly bandcamp page began it's transformation into the sprawling label we know today, Vortex of Crap produced hit albums such as Itch of the Century and I Struggle To Understand, the latter album gaining the attention of equally prestigious shitcore conglomerate The Abortion Collective. After impressing the likes of Yellow Moon and Lamar the Dragon Dildo, Vortex of Crap was on a roll. They put out classic after classic, and releases such as Chuckle Deluxe and Severe, Vigorous Ramming were clear signs that the budding shitcore pioneer was heading for a Golden Age. This became clear with vortex of crap's best and biggest release thus far, "He Who Dares Gets Sent to Bed With no Dinner." While this album would be the last time Vortex of Crap would enlist the help of others in their albums, it was a clear change of pace. Tracks such as No Audio (Add Audio), YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! and Pathetic Died of Pneumonia cemented the album in shitcore history. "When my eardrums were graced by the genius that was 'I Feel Cooler Than a Tranny Wi' Their Dick Cut Off' and 'MotPot', I knew that my journey through music was at a temporary end. At the time, this felt like the conclusion to music." Said an enthusiastic fan who later went back in time and was killed in the september 11 attacks on US soil. "'There's no way forward from this' I told myself. It was certainly an experience." However not all was good news. This album also signified the departure of Genius Incredible permanently from producing under the Vortex of Crap alias, as well as Callum Mingeman, who would later use the tracks from this album for his own selfish gains in his 2014 disaster album that I can't remember the name of because it was so bad, although there were some bangers there too but mostly it was shit. The End of an Era + Christmas Album After the release of He Who Dares, both the artist and label entered a golden age. Absolute classics such as Putin Party, Self Vs. Fedoraself and The Playstation Four were flying off the shelves. However disaster struck when Vortex of Crap became ill with poseurettes in the autumn months of 2014. Half-assed releases like "And Then The Sausage Happened" were slated on to the label as the shitcore pioneer entered a depressive state, which would carry on for several months. Vortex of Crap, despite this, decided to put together the first ever full compilation album, named "Merry Christmas From Vortex of Crap and friends!" Designed to bring together shitcore from all over the world, the album proved a massive success, and saw several first time artists, as well as a few who hadn't released on the label in ages, submitting their finest content. The album revitalised Vortex of Crap's interest in shitcore and the label, and the year of 2015 began for real. 2015, Sht in My Butt, Wilkommen to Meinen Anus and the melon inquisition. In the year of 2015, Vortex of Crap continued it's reign of terror, headlining the new shitcore movement that was in full force thanks to the emergence and popularity of artists such as Yellow Moon, Lamr and Eeesee. Underlining this movement was the 2015 classic "Sht in My Butt", considered by many to be one of the best Vortex of Crap albums ever made, gaining the interest of many more artists who would later come to release on vortex of crap, or who would at the very least remain hard fans to this very day. "Sht in my Butt was made in a day," says Vortex of Crap. "I was inspired by a particular conversation with friends, as you can see by the track titles, which are comprised entirely of the conversation. The album was a hit, of course. I remember Cii messaging me one day.. 'DUDE I WAS ON THE TOILET AND I LITERALLY COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING AT HD I WAS FUCKING CRYING ALSO WHERE ARE ANIMAL PICTURES I MUST HAVE THEM!' It was crazy, yo.." Sht in my Butt wasn't the only success for Vortex of Crap that year, however. Vortex of Crap released subsequent albums of the same format. Sht in my Butt had indeed shifted the direction of shitcore itself, and would go on to underline the style of the artist from then on. Albums such as Pure Cock Fury were evident of this, however it would be an unlikely contender that would change their life...forever. Wilkommen to Meinen Anus was released I don't know because the bandcamp was deleted!!! and it went unnoticed for a long while. That is until an actual, living melon took notice and decided to actually include the album in a popular journalistic music section on their site named 'IT CAME FROM BANDCAMP'. The result was catastrophic. Wilkommen to Meinen Anus became the most listened to Vortex of Crap album EVER, and normies would be privy to the site for the months to come. The Yellow Moon collaboration As well as Wilkomen to Meinen Anus, Vortex of Crap's unlikely union with Abortion Collective's Yellow Moon would also gain the melon's favour, and it even went on to get a section in an 'IT CAME FROM BANDCAMP' video uploaded to melon's main channel. However, much to the anger and disappointment of Vortex of Crap, melon only ever talked about Yellow Moon and his tracks. Melon then went on to completely ignore vortex of crap from then on, because he's an actual fuckwit. Expertly Chiselled Memes In the 10th month of 2015, Vortex of Crap planned the biggest and longest album yet. It was called Expertly Chiselled Memes, and it was FUCKING AWFUL! it was so good, Cii made a back-cover for a possible Cd release. This of course never happened. The album was 74 tracks long. The album gained the attention of awful youtube streamer Stevonicle, whom Vortex of Crap promptly became a sponsor for, much to the outcries of Stevonicle's long time friend and brother Blue Toad, who was, and let's be honest, the worst person to ever walk this earth. Christmas 2 The Return of Christmas Eager to start 2016 off right, Vortex of Crap set out to one-up the first christmas compilation album, 'Christmas 2: The Return of Christmas' was announced. It was around this time Eeesee started being a dick to them, calling them out for complaining about the lack of submissions. These complaints were far from the truth, however, as Christmas 2 went on to be almost the biggest album on the label, with several submissions from everyone on the label, plus a few newcomers, randoms and fans of the artist and label. Christmas 2: The Return of Christmas STORMED the shitcore charts, and you can bet your ass everyone knew 2016 would be an important year for shitcore. fuck off!!!! Yerself Is Meme and The Church of Statanism 2016 had been great for Vortex of Crap so far, who had moved in with Genius Incredible in April. Yerself is Meme was hyped over the course of a few months, and it's gimmick was that most of it's track titles were taken from suggestions from a google poll they had made. It released to widely positive reception, and was one of the best shitcore releases of the year. That is until The Church of Statanism dropped unexpectedly and took everyone by complete surprise. The album was genius, and several fans agreed that it blew the overhyped Yerself is Meme out of the water. The Deletion of September 2016 Tragedy struck as Vortex of Crap woke up to find their label and hard work gone. The bandcamp label had been deleted completely and utterly by an unknown terrorist. Disarray was swift. Vortex of Crap and Genius Incredible were just as quick, however, to get themselves into gear, assembling the many artists on the label for a meeting which would discuss and decide the fate of all who's lives had been destroyed with one fell swoop. Vortex of Crap remained stable and mature about the situation, choosing, rather than wait for someone to unearth the deleted discography, to simply create a new page for the label, calling it a 'fresh start.' To celebrate the return of Vortex of Crap, Vortex of Crap announced the first non-christmas compilation album THE RETURN OF VOC. The album would go on to become a huge success, with several artists unrelated to vortex of crap submitting their finest work. Inner Turmoil Vortex of Crap bought a pack of mints in August of 2016, and then ate them all. However, upon further examination of the packet, the words 'excessive consumption may cause laxative effects' were written clear and plain as day. Vortex of Crap was then doomed to spend a night on an ACTUAL Vortex of Crap (The toilet.) The ordeal was so painful and torturous, that it inspired Vortex of Crap to write an album about it. The album was initially going to be released on the old bandcamp, however just as they were about to compose the album, the page was deleted. Shortly after the release of THE RETURN OF VORTEX OF CRAP on the newly-dubbed 'Nu-VoC' page TheVortexofCrap, Inner Turmoil was finally finished and released as the first proper Vortex of Crap album on the new page. It was seen as a fantastic start to the last few months of 2016, where the artists of the label did their best to uphold the shitcore community reputation they had worked so hard to build. Get The London Look to press 10 if cii a fuckin idiot Vortex of Crap was determined to raise the bar of quality they hard worked hard to achieve. They quickly shot out albums such as Get The London Look and Assorted Choons For Assorted Loons, which both fell short of everyone's expectations. However, the November release of True Phallic Legends restored the faith fans were slowly losing, bringing back both old-school vibes, new vibes and the familiar 2016 Vortex of Crap style everyone knew, loved and sadly missed. Following the success of True Phallic Legends and it's story, "press 10 if cii a fuckin idiot" was released. Vortex of Crap worked so hard on this album they actually shat, and the album was very well released by Cii, who was indeed a fuckin idiot. However the album didn't have nearly the hype True Phallic Legends had, but despite this is actually the most downloaded album on Nu-VoC besides THE RETURN OF VORTEX OF CRAP, for reasons unknown to literally anyone. Fuck Off (I'm Black) and the announcement of CHRISTMAS 3 Vortex of Crap, Brian Vagina and Yellow Moon both agreed that something must be done about the current state of shitcore. The golden age had ended, albums such as The Church of Statan and Sht in my Butt were long gone and morale was low. The resulting call between the three caused a new low in shitcore. "Fuck Off (I'm Black)" was recieved so poorly that Vortex of Crap actually attempted suicide via JackBox Party Pack 3, and literally nobody liked the album. On a lighter note, Vortex of Crap had also announced the third annual Christmas compilation album. Perhaps the release of this album will revitalise the population's interest in shitcore? Discography Please note most legacy releases are not available, and are also not in exact order. Legacy; * Oniichan, Your Penis Is So Dirty and Mucky * Platinum Arse Part 1 * Platinum Arse Part 2 * Platinum Arse Part 3 * For Whom The Bell-End Tolls * The Bebs * Itch of the Century * The Git Diaries Volume 1: Ass Castle * Zappybugdikfugwancho * The Git Diaries Volume 2: Consumed By Fat * I can't think of a title so here's an umbrella ☂ * Ooch of the Century * I Struggle To Understand * Poke Her Face * Samsung Galaxy * The :B1: Bomber * Hte Watermelon * CADDY ARE U OKAY CADDY CAN I GET U A DRINK * Fag Palace * KRAF(TWERK) * Platinum Arse Part 4: The Wrong Dong * Severe, Vigorous Ramming * Gaytato * He Who Dares Gets Sent to Bed With No Dinner * The Playstation Four * Self Vs. Fedoraself * Chuckle Deluxe * Eliminate My Ass * "On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being normal and 10 being skyscraper, how big do you like your horse cocks?" - Abraham Lincoln * Putin Party * And Then The Sausage Happened * Merry Christmas From Vortex of Crap and Friends! (compilation album) * yes I have you idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * goron, goroff * Adolph Hipster * The Git Diaries Volume 3: Ooh What a Spooky Nigger! * Sht in my Butt * Pure Cock Fury * Samwise Gamgee Ultra Bass Hits * New Vortex of Crap Album * Wilkommen To Meinen Anus * Standard Saturday Night on the Town tbh * Oh Look, a Collab Album (With Yellow Moon) * anal immolation * The All new MTT fabulous rectal appropriation ointment etc I don't remember * when you realise you used to live inside your dad's ballsack * Expertly Chiselled Memes * Gaytatos * Christmas 2: The Return of Christmas (compilation album) * Disney's Extremely Goofy Holocaust * Pickled by YOU! * Stevonicle Sponser Album * The Git Diaries Volume 4: Quantum Ogre * Yerself Is Meme * The Church of Statinism * Cock Proxy NU-VOC; * THE RETURN OF VORTEX OF CRAP (compilation album) * Inner turmoil * Get The London Look * Assorted Choons For Assorted Loons * True Phallic Legends * press 10 if cii a fuckin idiot * Fuck Off (I'm Black) (With Brian Vagina and Yellow Moon)